Hellooo!!! Long time no blog! I feel like I’ve been in a creative funk for the past few months..buuut NO MORE!

First blog of 2021!! WOO!

After much back and forth with myself, battling whatever shyness/awkwardness I feel for putting myself out here, I decided it’s better to just let it out! I AM aware this isn’t my first blog post haha, but I guess after taking a break away from it, those first time feels of fear and doubt creep in and try to deter me from writing/posting. ANYWHO – since 2020 just ended and I am now able to process a lot of what transpired in the past 6 months, I wanted to recap what I have learned from all the change that occurred in the later half of the year.

I am currently living with my mom in Texas, working with her and my sister at our boutique, Imani Imani in Fort Worth, annnd still trying to find my place in this world..so in a nutshell, not much as changed since writing my last blog post haha! And for anyone who doesn’t know – I drove down from Salt Lake City, UT at the end of July, leaving a long relationship, my cat, close friends, most of my clothes and belongings, and the independence I had grown accustomed to for the past 12 years.. I do feel very fortunate that one of my best friends from Utah happened to move to Austin the same day as me, so it has been comforting to have her just a few hours away from me!

At the beginning of 2020 knew some sort of life change was becoming more and more necessary, but where to even start.. and when COVID-19 hit our world in March and after much self reflection during quarantine, I finally made the jump and quit my job of 4 years. I could no longer ignore the Universe’s persistent push for change,and while I had no idea what that change looked like or where to begin, I knew nothing would change if nothing changed. 

So when things in my relationship starting going south, and no longer had a job.. I decided it was best to just pack up my car and make the long 24 hour drive down here. I honestly didn’t know how long I would stay or where I would end up. I was planning on only staying for a couple weeks max, but that two weeks turned into a month.. and here we are 6 months and the same 2 pairs of jeans later!

The past several months have been what I could best describe as an emotional roller coaster – one minute I’ll feel perfectly content and happy, the next I’ll be crying, feeling sad and missing the life I used to know..to more crying because I start to feel overwhelmed with the thought of having to start my life completely over.. to crying because I feel lost and am living with my mom at 30 years old…to then crying tears of gratitude to be here and experience these moments with my mom and family that I haven’t had since I was 18.. or just crying because I’m emotional and don’t have an exact reason as to why I’m crying but I’m not crying you’re crying haha!!

The only thing I know for sure is that God has never left my side. This experience has continued to strengthen my faith in knowing that God is GOOD all of the time, reassuring me that everything is happening for a reason, even if I can’t see it yet. I have found that through my commitment to keep my head up and my willingness to keep my hopes high, I am being led toward more light and less darkness. I have been reminded that no amount of possessions or accolades define who I am as a person, nor does it make or break my happiness; and that whatever my current circumstance is, there has yet to be a good enough excuse or reason to keep me from living my best life. 

I wanted to break down how I’ve been navigating through all this change and what focus has helped me move forward and find more peace and happiness with each passing day.

Going back to the beginning –

August – Positive thoughts.

When I first got to Texas, I felt like I was on a vacation, having fun with my family and enjoying all the summer activities, while at the same time, my heart literally ached, I would sometimes burst out in tears for no reason, feeling so lost and sad, missing everything that I had left behind. This was when I began to really focus on my inner dialogue. Telling myself over and over that God was working, there was a reason for this season and reassuring myself that I am safe, healthy, I have family and friends that love me, a roof over my head, etc., this helped! But, I needed to feel more settled, more aligned/connected to my self.

Realizing I had absolutely zero structure or routine, resulted in me feeling uneasy, overwhelmed more frequently, and even more lost than before (new focus = create structure).

September – Create Structure.

I knew I needed to save whatever sanity I had left.. I needed SOMETHING to do every day that was just for me, and if I came up with some sort of structure to my day I would feel a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. I also needed something that I knew I would actually do on a daily basis, so I committed to going on a walk outside every day, preferably in the morning, but if it wasn’t until later in the day that worked too..(ideally walking 2-3 miles, for 30-45 min, mostly for meditative and alone time purposes). I feel energized and recharged after some alone time.. I guess this makes me an introvert..? I didn’t always know this about myself, but after one of my many emotional breakdowns, I was able to piece together that I would feel the most distressed or irritated when I didn’t get any “me time”, thus I realized spending time with myself and my thoughts, is what truly eases my mind. 

Walking every day revitalized my soul!! I needed the quiet time to reconnect with Universe and open my eyes to all of the incredible life that exists outside in nature! This time allowed me to begin healing/accepting my reality and all the many changes that I was going through.

October – Affirmation Challenge

Halfway through September I was really starting to feel back to myself! I decided to add another positive activity/outlet to my daily routine by creating a second positive affirmation challenge, this time for the entire month! If you were a part of that challenge, I hope you enjoyed it and benefited from it as much as I did!! I have always loved being in school/working, as something to focus on that gives me a sense of responsibility and purpose. And I truly love being able to share positive energy with others, there’s something about the collective happy vibrations invigorate and uplift my spirit more than I am able to express! The affirmation challenge helped me find ease and a sense of purpose and I am so grateful to everyone who shared that experience with me!! 

BUT! I definitely underestimated the amount of work 31 days of writing affirmations when I first committed to the idea, I am not someone who gives up on a promise, so I deep down knew that it would be tough, but needed to push myself out of my comfort zone. It’s always rewarding to persevere and finish something that you didn’t think would be possible!

November and December – Break for the holidays

I was definitely feeling like I needed to slow down and take a break after October. I wasn’t going on my walks as consistently, and the routine I was just starting to get the hang of started dwindling.. and I hit a creative wall. I did keep up with some reading and journaling/free writing regularly, which is something that has been a great outlet for letting go of the thoughts that start to fill my mind.. If you ever feel like you can’t get out of your own head.. I highly suggest free writing for 10-15 minutes.. It’s amazing what a mental release writing brings.. Even if you never read the words again (I rarely do).

This little break in my barely there routine was a nice reset. I told myself to just enjoy the time with my family since it had been 10 years since I had celebrated thanksgiving being home in Texas. And I had been working in retail for the past four years, so instead of not having the stress and being totally overworked and exhausted, I was able to actually enjoy the season and holiday spirit!

I still battled those thoughts/feelings of guilt or shame for not walking as much, or being proactive with this blog, etc., but I have been working on not being so hard on myself, practicing being patient with myself and although it does feel good to reach goals and/or daily achievements, it also feels good to be adaptable and let go of the routine and structure for a little bit (confusing I know).

Now we here.. good ol’ January 2021!

I thought it would be beneficial to set intentions for this new year, rather than set goals that may not always work, so I wanted to share some of my intentions –

This year, I intend to spend time with God daily, this doesn’t have to be an official time of day or anything specific really, just would like to continue to strengthen my connection within and with the Universe and spirit world, allowing my mind stay open to the guidance that is always available. I intend to expand my knowledge by reading each night before bed. And I intend to honor my body and all that it does for me, beginning with learning the practice of yoga. I’ve dabbled in a few classes here and there but I would like to be more consistent, so I’m trying to practice at least 4X a week! I would also like to continue a consistent well-being practice of either walking, praying, meditating, journaling, or all of the above!

AND I know I’m only three weeks in, buuut so far so good! I have stuck to these intentions and am starting to feel like more at peace and have had less emotional outbursts! It feels good to say no to the excuses, to hold myself accountable to my SELF and to accept myself, exactly where I am at.

The biggest take away of all is that the self-sabotaging “ego” is REAL and is constantly creeping in to STOP me from feeling good, talking me out of taking action on something that I know deep down will make me feel better! I can’t tell you how many times I have tried talking myself out of practicing yoga, “what good is it doing?” “I’m too tired”, “I don’t want to stop watching Bridgerton for yoga”, “can’t.stop.scrolling.” are just a few examples of what mine says to me, basically pleading me to do ANYTHING else other than the 30-45 minute practice. And sometimes that voice wins, and that’s okay.. But, what I have realized is that it’s not the actual yoga that makes me feel good, it’s the fact that I stood up to that negative voice in my head, and did it anyway! That’s the true reward to choosing to do GOOD rather than what’s comfortable.

For anyone looking to add more positivity to everyday life –

What works for me, may not work for you, and what works for me right now, might not be what works for me in February and so on. We are each experiencing a different reality and there isn’t a one size fits all solution. However, if you’re anything like me, you might feel overwhelmed as to where to start and how to even make progress. I would advise to start with one thing you know would make you feel better.

A small step in the right direction, is better than no steps at all. For me, it was first noticing my negative thoughts and where were they coming from, usually after spending hours mindlessly scrolling on instagram comparing my life to those influencer or celebrity lives. Then redirecting those negative thoughts to positive ones, the best way to think more positively is by thinking of things you’re grateful for, there is always SOMETHING to be grateful for!

These small changes may not always be noticeable to others around you (mostly because it starts in your mind first), but if you begin by standing up to that negative monster inside your mind, I can guarantee you, you will feel better! 

Affirmations that have helped me – 

When I feel myself going down the spiral of fearful thoughts, I have to bring myself back to reality, back to the present moment and what is within my control. These are the affirmations I repeat to myself constantly.

I cherish this moment knowing it’s temporary.

My world, as well as the entire world, changed DRASTICALLY in 2020. And it is continuing to evolve before our eyes. Knowing that life will never be the same, is something that should not bring fear, rather hope and excitement. When I catch myself longing to relive the life I was living a year ago, I am also proud of the progress and growth I have made. I am grateful to have come this far, and I know that this moment will soon become the past. I do not want to give any more of the present away, I want to soak every minute up before it no longer exists. 

I am perfect where I am

I have to trust that God has placed me here for a purpose. There is no point in dwelling on why I am in the situation I’m in, how I got here, and where do I go from here.. I trust in divine timing. I trust that the creator of this Universe knows exactly what It is doing, and I no longer want to resist where It is leading me, because I know that the Universe always has a greater plan than I could ever imagine on my own. I also know that we were all born in this historical era for a purpose, that each of  the challenges we are facing are for a reason! I am learning to take my personal feelings out of the situation and trust that all of these many life changing experiences are providing me with the growth and wisdom I am needing, right now. I would prefer to be evolving and growing than to be stagnant or stuck. Have faith that everything is taking you exactly where you are meant to be. The key is to let go of the doubt and fear that are holding you contempt to the past and accepting that you are meant to be exactly where you are. 

I am at peace, knowing that everything is working out in my favor 

As much as I can get caught up in the shoulda woulda coulda mentality of wishing I could go back in time, I can also get caught up in the fear based thoughts of what the future holds. Especially living in a time that the future seems very unclear and kinda scary! Will we ever get to go to the store, work, or socialize without a mask or regulations? What’s going to happen to our country if we continue to be so divided and hateful, cancelling every opinion that doesn’t line up with what the media deems correct? I have no idea what the future holds, but listening to the voices in my head that are saying it is going to be terrible is not for me. 

Universal law teaches us that your thoughts determine your circumstance, so rather than projecting fearful thoughts into the universe, I choose to think thoughts that are in my favor. God has a solution for every problem, a way out of every issue. Being patient and trusting His goodness is the only way to bring peace, love, and all that is good back to us. Worrying is not going to get you very far. 

“I live in a Divinely inspired Universe. I have nothing to fear. I trust in myself, and when I do so, I trust in the very Wisdom that created me” Dr. Wayne Dyer

Overall, I feel all of my experiences in 2020 have shown me that I am meant to bring light and hope in whatever way I am capable. I have remained committed to practicing positive thoughts and positive practices that have opened the door for me to understanding what exactly it means to “feel good”, I also have realized that it’s not a one size fits all solution. 

So as hard as this new reality has been to accept, it is MY reality. There is no going back, and you can’t bring the future any faster than one day at a time. Only God knows what the future will hold and I find so much comfort in that.

I still have a long way to go, I am still learning, I am far from having anything figured out, but what I know for sure, is that in 2021, I am choosing to subsribe to the good life.

Each and every person on this earth has unlimited purpose and value. The more you choose to tune into yourself and your needs, you are able to appreciate and cater to those good feeling thoughts and actions. It doesn’t happen overnight and it’s a constant work in progress, but it’s better than the alternative cycle of feeling lost, unhappy, and fearful. 

I also want to share what resources I use to help me with keeping my mind in a good place!

Positive influences this month – 

The Maxwell Leadership Bible (I’m obvi still reading it.. Haha but I love John Maxwell’s version, it breaks down each book and relates it to leadership and everyday life!)

Inspiration Your Ultimate Calling, Dr. Wayne Dyer

Meditations to calm an anxious mind, Meditation Album by Gabrielle Bernstein

Nature – This beautiful earth we live on is so inspiring to me, the perfection of nature always takes my breath away and BONUS! It’s FREE and available to anyone!

Thank you for reading this post!! I hope it encourages you to lean into all that is good and beautiful in this world!