Embracing Darkness.

Welcome to my first Positivi-tea post!! To be honest with you, I feel a little weird haha I’m trying out this whole website/blog thing for the first time and I’m not entirely sure I’m doing it right..haha Regardless, I’m stoked to have an audience, so thank YOU and here we go – 

I had this idea to promote positivity in somehow/someway – creating a community that can share best practices for keeping spirits high. A place to celebrate the wins with you, if it’s been a good week. A support and reminder that you’re not alone, if it’s been a bad week. Somewhere that will help pick you up when you may feel helpless or lost.

You know that amazing feeling when your emotions are in check? You are feeling good and confident and put together – you work better, you love better, you’re a better friend, stranger, boss, parent, and overall better person! The same goes for when your emotions aren’t in check –  your hair’s a mess, your house is a mess, traffic is the worst, your friends are the worst, and that sales girl was the worst, so you took it all out on her, pretending like you really cared THAT much to save that $3.50. I know I’m not alone here, I’ve been that sales girl 🙂 .

I KNOW we all have bad days, weeks, months, and sometimes years, so why do we feel so ashamed to admit it??! Sometimes I ask myself, why do I feel like I have to answer the “how are you doing?”, so quickly by saying, “good!”…. why isn’t it socially acceptable to be vulnerable and honest, some days my response might be more like – “Life f*Cking sucks rn but I’m doing my best to keep it together” or “I’m aight, been in an emotional funk lately but trying to survive one day at time, you?”

At the beginning of June, I was in one of those funks. Feeling really sad for no actual reason, I felt lost, unsure, indecisive, stuck, negative, drained, annoyed. I also felt frustrated at myself for feeling this way and confused as to why I felt like I couldn’t stop myself from feeling this way. This got me thinking, if someone like me [who is optimistic most of the time/believes to the core that we are a result of our thoughts] am struggling to pick my own self up, what about people who don’t have as optimistic of an outlook as myself?

I wanted to learn exactly what triggers this kind of out of the blue, emotional despair. So I went and gathered up all of my good ol’ positive psychology books and started flipping through for answers. Learned Optimisim, by Martin Seligman was one book in particular that caught my interest. Seligman is one of the first psychologist to study positive psychology, he studies the psychology of what makes life worth living – identifying behaviors noticed in optimistic people vs pessimistic people and how these different perspectives effect the individual’s well-being and happiness. In Learned Optimisim, he discusses how someone that is naturally more pessimistic, can practice and relearn how to interpret and deal with adversity in a more optimistic light, rather than a helpless one. 

In one chapter, Seligman includes a quiz to assess your depression, asking questions like, in the past week – did you have crying spells?, feel lonely?, talk less than usual?, feel you weren’t as good as other people?, had trouble keeping your mind on what you’re doing?, etc., and according to the quiz I was suffering from moderate depression. This was somewhat laughable, but also very eye opening for me. I was feeling down, but I wouldn’t have considered myself depressed, maybe three years ago I could agree, but I’ve worked hard to keep my mind set positive since then. My initial instinct was, that can’t be right. But after I went back and reread my answers, I couldn’t argue my answers or change them, it was how I was feeling. 

Seligman’s point in sharing the quiz, and my point in sharing it now, is that these emotional “funks” are normal, he goes on to say that depression is extremely common for every one. We all go through these time periods that are sad, daunting, discouraging, and defeating. However, if you allow yourself to stay in this low state of despair, you may find yourself in a severe depression, which is what we want to avoid.

Embracing and overcoming these dark times is imperative for healing. I think it’s important to find understanding within our self, recognize the feelings of despair and know that it is okay to feel sad, or lost.. these “negative” feelings/emotions do not have to define us. Rather than allowing these pessimistic thoughts to take full control, we can fight back and rebuttal with more optimistic thoughts, rewiring your mind to think differently, embrace and understand that these fears, worries and doubts are totally normal and nothing to feel ashamed of.

Life can easily overwhelm you, to the point that you feel completely paralyzed while time is passing by. And if you’re still reading this, and somewhat relate, I want you to know you are not alone. Everyone has to go through dark times at some point in life, but you will survive, and you will become stronger.

Dark times are ESSENTIAL to our growth, it is these moments that define and shape the person we are meant to become. Every single person on this earth will experience darkness, sadness, deep pain, and loss, but I believe we are never faced with something we can not overcome. Remember that everything you maybe going through right now is TEMPORARY. Thoughts, feelings, circumstances, and all of these uncertain times, are just that – lapses in time. Every minute changing  onto the next, no second the same after the one that passed. This moment in time will NOT last forever.

I savor this moment, knowing it will pass.

You are a powerful being! Your resilience is essential in overcoming the darkness – be proud of your self and your willingness to keep moving forward. Trust that surviving whatever maybe causing you pain, will one day be an experience that you are able to feel proud of, knowing you survived and made it through!

Small daily actions, lead to big lifelong results. Everything in life is made up of how we deal with each present moment. You may not feel like picking yourself up off the ground, or taking a walk outside, or sitting in silence just to enjoy the silence, but I assure you, if you manage to make a small, 5 minute, commitment to serving whatever you know is best for your happiness, DO IT. You might not feel happy immediately, but if you allow yourself to try, happiness will soon follow. Be kind to yourself, celebrate the wins, celebrate the fact that you’re becoming stronger without even feeling like it. Most importantly, celebrate your darkness – for it is what fuels your light to shine. 

I truly believe that each life is meant for great purpose. I don’t believe in fate or coincidences rather, intention and destiny. I firmly believe in karma and that we are all a product of the energy we put out. I believe our actions speak much louder than our words, and in order to receive more love, we have to be open to loving more. 

I want to make sure that if someone hasn’t already told you, I tell you in this first blog – There is a light at the end of whatever dark tunnel you’re in, and no matter how dark or endless it may appear, I promise you, there will be a way and you will find your light. There is ALWAYS a way, and if you don’t know what that way is, or which direction to take, I want to help you get there! The first way I intend to help whoever needs some love is with my 10 day affirmation challenge. PLEASE CHECK IT OUT!!

I also thought it could be helpful if I share a couple of positive resources that have helped me through some of my darker times –

Gabby Bernstein is one of my inspos, she writes several books that are incredible, The Universe Has Your Back and Super Attractor are two of my faves! She shared this free positive affirmation meditation a couple months ago, it’s helped me tremendously! SO I hope you like –

https://gabbywebinar.com/meditation-for-calm-mind/

And if you’re interested in learning more about Martin Seligman’s view on positive psychology, this podcast recently came out and it’s another great resource –

Thank you so much for reading this month’s post and visiting this site. If you haven’t already, please check out the affirmation challenge, it’s free and I really believe it is a great tool for anyone who wants to start introducing more positive practices into every day life.

May you have the best July and enjoy the beauty of summer –

Until next month,

Yassie